Dream

Through the last 3 or 4 days, my life has taken a dramatic change, in direction, in focus, in understanding, in pretty much everything.

I can remember all my life thinking about my dreams, and what they were made of, and how huge they were, impossible for me to do yet totally possible for God to do. There came a point in my life where the dream that was birthed within my heart got pushed aside and a secondhand dream came into play, something that was possible for me to do. Something that was still great, but it was not my deepest dream. It was not OUR dream, and by our dream I do mean me and God's dream.

I believe God birthed within us a dream for us to follow. He gave us the tools to live out the dream, and it is up to us to live out the dream. But to my great joy, it's not going to be something I hate doing. He births within us dreams that we love. So rather than God's dream being HIS dream for my life, His dream itself becomes my dream as well, and together we can share in that dream for my life.

So lately I've been toiling over this fact that I'd begun to live with this secondhand dream, and God reminded me the other night, "It's never too late to start following our dream." He also reminded me that it didn't take me years of college, like it could have, to recognize that I had fabricated a new dream, one that was possible for me to live in, and as bad as it sounds, one where I didn't need God to complete the dream.

You know I don't know why I'm right here in this place, I don't know why I allowed my dream to die within me. But the amazing amounts of grace that God gives to us, the way He wakes us up is just so full of grace. He doesn't yell at us for trying to lean on our own understanding, He doesn't freak out on us when we mess up, and He doesn't threaten me that if I mess up again He'll be through with me. He holds me and allows me to hide in Him when I recognize that I mess up, when I realize I was trying to do it on my own.

My God is so full of grace and mercy, and most importantly love. I can't get past that, the love, mercy, and grace that He has poured into my heart even when I snap constantly at people, even when I am quick to anger, even when I fabricate my own dreams. He's not through with me, He is walking beside me, and He just wants me to see what is best for me, and I'll get it eventually. He might have to throw some ice cold water in my face for me to realize that I have been living in my own world, but He doesn't give up on me.

He is sooooooo amazing!! I can't even begin to describe it.