Approaching God

Last week at church I witnessed one of the cutest things. This little boy wanted to be near his mom but her hands were both being held by someone on either side of her, and she was crossing her legs so he couldn't sit on her knee. But he didn't let that stop him, he grabbed her one leg, and jumped up on her lap. As I thought about it, God reminded me of this verse.

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16

I think that what that little boy did was so powerful. Because he was confidant that his mom loved him, and he was confidant that she wouldn't push him off her lap, he wanted to be near her so he made it happen. I believe that God wants us to make it happen, to push aside those things that make us think God can't handle it or that maybe God is too busy. God is just waiting to hear from us, He wants us to approach the throne of grace with confidence.

I find it interesting that this verse says "so that we may receive mercy and find grace in our time of need." Let me ask a question, how often do you run to God when troubles face you??

In the face of troubles my instinct was to run hard and fast in the opposite direction. And after awhile of running, I'd stuff what had happened deep down in my heart, and rather than dealing with things I began to have a heart stuffed of pain and situations that had happened. The truth is no matter how much running and stuffing I did, I couldn't find this mercy and grace in my time of need. When I was in need of it, I found more turmoil, more upheaval by running from it.

I've been learning the secret to running to God in my time of need. And let me tell you, it is not something that I would want to get away from. The mercy and grace when I need it is so necessary in that time of need for me to keep going. Not only do I find mercy and grace at His throne of grace, I find peace. My heart can be calmed knowing and trusting in my King, in my Abba Father.

I believe God is calling us to be near to Him. He is asking us to throw aside those things that weigh us down and just come be with Him. Like that little boy would not let anything keep him from his mother, God wants nothing to keep us from Him. He wants to be near to us, He created us because He yearned for relationship with each and every one of us!

God is AWESOME!!

Today marked my last day of work. All week long I was plagued with the question, "Did I do everything I was supposed to here? Did I sow the seeds that were meant to be sown and water the plants that needed watering? Was I effective in showing God's love?" I'm amazed at God's awesomeness. He works when we don't even realize it. Let me share a story of His awesomeness. =)

Back in October, I, in desperation to get out of the house and stop being so depressed, applied for this job that seemed like it would be okay for a few months. It was supposed to be till the end of April and I thought I could handle that. My job began with my buddy being this grumpy older lady. At first I went home each day going, "God are you kidding? She is sooooo mean!" Well a few weeks into the job, I found out from my mom that this lady had recently lost her daughter. That changed everything, now that I knew that she was probably going through a rough time, I just began to open up a bit, let the not shy me come through. And somehow that makes people laugh, probably cause I can't talk OR I try to say everything all at once and it comes out in literally a big jumble. So as we began to have a relationship, she began to talk to me randomly, about things from her daughter to anything really. I just blew it over as she likes to talk a lot, complain lots, be a grump, etc. Not really thinking about it, not even praying for her, nothing.

Moving on, by the end of February, I began to really dislike my job. It became a challenge to get up every morning and go to work and try hard to enjoy it, try to do what was ahead of me. It was around this time that I was offered a permanent position there, and I accepted it, not sure what else I would be doing. Well then life got interesting by the end of March, and in that instant I wanted to go into hiding. I really didn't like my job, I had what seemed like nothing going for me in life, and thought the best thing would be to hide in a hole and suck my thumb. Haha. Needless to say, I didn't find a hole, instead I got up each day, trying to find purpose, trying to find some reason to live. Little did I know that God was using me when I was very very much unaware.

I've always heard the spiel about "You may just be a sower, and you plant the seeds. or you may be the waterer and water the seeds. OR you maybe the harvester and you might get to see the harvest. But if you don't see the harvest know that God is taking care of it, all your sowing and watering doesn't go to waste." Or something to that degree. I never expected to know how God could or would use me in my moment of weakness, in my desperation, in my brokenness.

Today I received a card, from that lady, it is one that will stay with me through the ages. I want to share part of it with you because it shows God's sovereignity and awesomeness. By the way, to my knowledge this lady is not a Christian, she knows about God but does not have faith, I guess is what you'd say.

"I believe that God, in His infinite wisdom, sent you into my life so soon after my daughter's death to heal me through that rough time and you have helped me immensely!"

Inside I'm screaming "But God, how? I was a mess for pretty much the first 3 months and then the last 4 months, how could You have used me? I didn't even pray for her! How God?" He hasn't answered yet, but I think He's showing me that I can indeed be used in ways I don't know, I can be used in brokennes. There is no way that I could have helped her heal, I see absolutely no way that's possible. But God was able to use what little I had to offer and turn it into good, cause He's awesome like that! My God stinkin' rocks this world!!!! Yay God!!!

My point for this blog isn't to show you what "I did" in my brokenness, but rather encourage you that in your brokenness, He can and will still use you! He is so able! He is so soveriegn! He works in ways we cannot see! He is soooooo awesome!!!

Peace

A couple weeks ago, my friends and I went up to “Prayer Mountain” at a camp down south, with an acoustic guitar and Bible. I didn’t know what to expect, I just knew that a lot of people loved going up there and hanging out with God. Well once you get up there you can completely understand. It’s not like the view is more breathtaking than any other view from a mountainside. It’s not that green, it isn’t all beauty. But what it I think about what was up there was just the peace of God was soooooo evident. It was like creation was screaming with peace. I could go on about the morning but I wanna sit on the subject of peace.

The last few months have been somewhat stressful with school and all these other things coming at me. Everytime I tried to worry about the area of school, God would ask me "Do you trust Me?" And instantly I was like, "Whoops. Here I go again, trusting in me alone." And everytime I made the conscious choice to stop worrying about it and give it to God, and He would instantly fill me with His peace.

After this experience on Prayer Mountain with just being flooded with absolute peace, I have been thinking a lot on peace, how to have peace in a crazy life. I wanna share some scripture with you.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV), "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

In the Message it reads, "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the centre of your life."

When I was up on Prayer Mountain, nothing could take that peace away. A peace that passes beyond all understanding, something we don't even understand, something we can't fathom, just settling down in our lives as we wait upon God knowing that in His time it will work out, knowing that in the end it will work out for good, and we really have nothing to worry about.

Lately the more I've been giving God my worries, the more I've felt His peace flood my life. And that peace brings this contentment. Really not worrying about anything just gives you that freedom to be peaceful and content. I haven't really felt a lot of peace in my life before. I'm so used to worrying about everything and anything, but what's there to worry about when the God of the universe has our world in His hands?!?!?!

Choose to Worship

"Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God." Psalm 42:11

Worship is a choice. This passage reminds me continually that David didn't have it altogether, and he didn't try to pretend he did. He knew he didn't and in that moment told his soul to praise the Lord.

There are days where praising God is the furthest thing from my mind. In fact it's so far that I won't even turn on my music because I don't think that I can praise God. But it's in those moments that I should be crying out to God and worshipping Him for who He is.

He is beautiful, He is soooooo amazing. And yet it seems that I personally will worship Him mostly in the great times, sometimes in the okay times, but just mainly the great times. I want a new perspective, I want to worship in the hard times as much as I worship in the good times. I want to praise my God in those difficult trials, because of who He is.

Last Friday I had a really bad day. I woke up extremely grumpy and it just got worse from there. By about 10 in the morning, I just wanted everything to be over, I wanted to curl up in my bed and never come off it because I just felt so depressed and down. Normally on days like this I'll leave my Ipod alone because like I said earlier, I don't want to praise God, nor hear others praise God. Now I think it's not that I don't want to praise God, I think in those times it's more of a "I can't praise God because life stinks, I have no reason to praise Him" mentality. But for some reason I decided to turn on my music. Within a few hours, I began to start really thinking about worship, and in that moment, though my soul felt weak and tired, and weary and I wanted to just give up, I forced myself to worship. And things inside began to change. Though the circumstances around me stayed the same, my view of God and what He could do in my life began to change as I recognized that I worship not because my life is great, but I worship because my God is great!

The Heart of a Worshipper

So I've been thinking about worship (in the form of music) a lot...so I'm gonna do a series of blogs about worship, they may not be one after the other, and there may not be a series as in a whole bunch of them, maybe just 2 or 3, we shall see. So let’s begin. =)

I really really enjoy music. Honestly the invention of each instrument, and putting them all together, with words, is just awesome! That is beauty right there.

This morning on the drive to work I began to wonder, what does music do to God’s heart? I mean I know what music does to my heart, my mood, etc. I wonder if there are songs we sing to Him that move His heart that cause Him to smile in joy, that even move His heart.

John 4:23-24 talks about what a true worshipper is. A true worshipper is someone that worships in spirit and truth.

I can sing songs at church, for example singing “Blessed be Your name”. Does my heart cry out “God I will bless Your name, I will bless Your name in hardship, in sorrow. I will bless Your name in joyous times, in refreshing times. I will bless Your name, Lord!”? What is my heart telling God? What is the truth of the words I speak?

I wonder what happens when we put our heart into those words, and we cry out from our depths, “Blessed be Your name.” In worship, sometimes I’m just singing, other times I’m crying out from the depths of my pain, praying God would do something in my situation. I wonder what would happen if I began to sing sweet songs of worship to my God, my Abba, from the depths of my heart, because He is good, because of who He is. And what would happen if I sang those songs even in my darkest moment, even in my happiest, lightest moment?



I’m not sure I know what would happen for sure. I don’t think there would be fireworks, I don’t think there would be a lightning bolt from Heaven (although that would be sweet!), or any of that. But I think if I stopped focusing on myself in my worship, and started focusing on the One WORTHY of worship, that this heart change will maybe move the heart of God. I don’t think it would make Him love me more, I don’t think it would cause Him to dance over me any more than He already is. But maybe just maybe I can reach out to the heart of God and shout my songs of praise to Him. And maybe in my darkest hour, as I praise His name, a peace will flood my heart instead of the anxiety that frequents my heart. Maybe as I focus my attention on Him, on the One who created me, and as I pour out my vial of worship, maybe I can be a true worshipper of God. Maybe I can begin to know Him more as I stop focusing on me and start focusing on Him.

My challenge for myself is to stop just singing the great songs to God, and start putting my heart into it, start praising my God because of who He is. I see His hand all over my life but so often I get distracted by me. What if I put me aside? What if I put my selfish desires aside and began to worship the One who is worthy, the One who is far above and beyond?

blah

So I'm in the mood to blog but I got nothing really important to blog so I'm just gonna ramble and you never know something might come out of it. =P

Tonight and tomorrow morning is this conference thing that I'm going to. I'm excited about it. Like REALLY excited about it. I'll be going alone, cuz I'm cool like that and actually I really think that I can almost receive more when I'm all alone. Many people tend to think I'm weird for doing things alone, but whateves. I just don't even care anymore. I'm getting this desperation in my soul. Because I know I really can't go on without God anymore. I've been trying so hard to deal with these hurts on my own, but it's not working out. And I've finally come to the end of my rope. I don't want to deal with them ever, but there is something deeper that screams to let go of them. I don't want to have no room in my heart because I'm holding onto hurts. I know God can use me broken and holding onto my stuff, but I think living the way He has called me to live, in freedom, it's in that place that will be so much more freeing to be used as God wants. Seriously, ack! Why didn't I think of that before? Seriously, there are so many things that I have been held back from because of my stuff, I've been scared to do certain things for all these fears that come from all these hurts that I've been holding onto. Hmmm...yes it's time to let God deal with that. It's time to put it at His feet, let Him deal with it, and rest in my Abba's arms! And to walk in freedom. There is healing for me. There is freedom for me. And by walking in that, I will be living the life God intended me to live, rather than the life that I decided would be safer...because really is it safer?

So I got that conference, I don't know what to expect but I'm open to receiving from God. Tomorrow after the conference I'm going to my friend's house for the afternoon. I miss them. They used to live here and then moved again, so I have hardly seen them. So it'll be exciting to just chill with her and her husband and of course their lovely doggies! woot!! Then tomorrow night I'm gonna go to a different conference. Just for the night, it's been going on the whole week but I'm finally going to go. So that will be exciting. Then the rest of the weekend will probably be focused on getting some sort of order. It's starting to look like a lovely little hurricane touched down, and I'm supposed to be moving soon. =\

Wow that was random. =\ lovely.