Lamentations 3:1-36

This is the passage I was referring to in my previous post. It's from the Message Bible.

1-3 I'm the man who has seen trouble,
trouble coming from the lash of God's anger.
He took me by the hand and walked me
into pitch-black darkness.
Yes, he's given me the back of his hand
over and over and over again.
4-6 He turned me into a scarecrow
of skin and bones, then broke the bones.
He hemmed me in, ganged up on me,
poured on the trouble and hard times.
He locked me up in deep darkness,
like a corpse nailed inside a coffin.

7-9 He shuts me in so I'll never get out,
manacles my hands, shackles my feet.
Even when I cry out and plead for help,
he locks up my prayers and throws away the key.
He sets up blockades with quarried limestone.
He's got me cornered.

10-12 He's a prowling bear tracking me down,
a lion in hiding ready to pounce.
He knocked me from the path and ripped me to pieces.
When he finished, there was nothing left of me.
He took out his bow and arrows
and used me for target practice.

13-15 He shot me in the stomach
with arrows from his quiver.
Everyone took me for a joke,
made me the butt of their mocking ballads.
He forced rotten, stinking food down my throat,
bloated me with vile drinks.

16-18 He ground my face into the gravel.
He pounded me into the mud.
I gave up on life altogether.
I've forgotten what the good life is like.
I said to myself, "This is it. I'm finished.
God is a lost cause."

19-21 I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

22-24 God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

25-27 God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.

28-30 When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.

31-33 Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
in throwing roadblocks in the way:

34-36 Stomping down hard
on luckless prisoners,
Refusing justice to victims
in the court of High God,
Tampering with evidence—
the Master does not approve of such things.

hope

Lately everywhere I turn it's like the word "Hope" follows me. You know that creepy stalkery type following? Yea I feel like it's right behind me, tapping me on the shoulder, grinning, and then jumping out at me and saying "BOO!"

The other night I was reading a book by Chip Ingram called, "God As He Longs For You To See Him." This chapter is about God's faithfulness. After the intro paragraph there was a long Bible passage. I got excited cuz it looked like it'd be fun to read. Why would it be fun to read? Because I thoroughly enjoy reading the Bible and a few other random books out loud. I can add so much more emphasis and picture and almost feel the setting of it. As I began to read, I realized how sad and mournful and hopeless the entire passage sounded. After reading the first 20 verses of Lamentations you'd think, all hope is gone, there's nothing more, but then Jeremiah goes onto say, "But there's one thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope, God's loyal love couldn't have run out, His merciful love couldn't have dried out."

Let's pause for a moment to think on that. *pauses*

What is hope?? We as humans are always hoping in something. We hope the test results come back good, we hope that our favourite team wins the cup, we hope that we get the finances, on and on it goes. We put our hope in things that will pass, in things that may not come to pass. Sometimes we put our hope in things that are not sure and not stable. I know I have soooo many bazillion times. But what would happen if I shifted my gear and began to grip onto God? I think that I would begin to see my moments of lamenting turn into something totally different. Lament but then remember where my hope lies in. My hope is not in the situation, in any circumstance, it is in my God who is so huge. It's His love that is so loyal and His love that keeps me going.

I have so much more to say as always. haha.

a little bit of me..

I remember as I was growing up always thinking, "How do those people do it? How do they read the Bible and pray and never grow tired of God? Doesn't there come a point when you're bored?"
I knew in my heart that there was this great huge God out there, but I had put Him in a box. So He became little in my eyes. I knew His character was love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness. He was all these attributes but only on the surface level. And even then I didn't believe it. The Bible was just a bunch of words that screamed at me to be a better person, that told me I would never be enough. I believed in God. I knew about God, but to have a relationship with Him was beyond me.
I pretended for so long that God wasn't in a box, that He really was as big as He is. I pretended that I knew God personally. But I didn't, because I didn't know how to communicate with a God that had given me the Bible full of all these rigid rules and regulations, and set the standard so high that I couldn't seem to reach it.

These past four months have been pretty intense. *smiles* But in these hard months, I have found my reason for living. I have come to recognize that God is not a God of the small box, He is the God of the universe! And He cares so much about every single detail of my life. He loves me so much. He took time to careful intricately design me from the beginning of time. And choose to breathe life into me. (Job 10:8a and Job 33:4) I have come to realize that the Bible is not full of rules and regulations, it's a love letter. It's a reminder of what God has done, so we can see what He will do. He's not too small to handle anything. He is a God of love. And what's more is He's my Daddy. He's my Daddy.

To answer my questions that I had as a child. People can desire God so much because He is not small, He is not in a box, and there are so many levels and so many depths to the attributes of who He is. If I am seeking God daily, I can't get tired of Him, because He is sooooo huge and so vast and so beyond my understanding. And He's my Daddy. He doesn't get boring, because He can't, cause there is sooooo much more to Him. I am so thankful for that. My journey through my life won't be boring unless I stpo seeking Him. My journey will be fun and full of life because He is so fun and big and beyond me!!

How Great the Father's Love for Me

How great is the Father's love for me. *smiles* I've heard it so many times, "God loves you!" And it's true, however I often times wonder how, why, and what was He thinking?!?!?! I don't have answers to this but God just keeps showing me so much love. As I begin to find these areas of my life that need to be dealt with He just keeps loving me.

Tonight I was listening to some music, and this song came on. And as I listened to it, I just felt as though I was the girl in the song. And what's more is that He loves us sooooo much, I don't think we can even try to describe it. I have more to say but for now I'm just gonna post the lyrics to the song.

"Why" by Nichole Nordeman
We rode into town the other day
Just me and my Daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man
That my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said "Daddy, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows
Daddy, please can't you do something?
He looks as though He's gonna cry
you said he was stronger than all of those guys
addy, please tell me why
Why does everyone want him to die?"

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And Daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide

So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said, "Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for My robe?
This crown of thorns hurts Me more than it shows
Father, please can't You do something?
I know that You must hear My cry
I thought I could handle the cross of this size
Father, remind Me why
Why does everyone want Me to die?
When will I understand why?"

"My precious Son, I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe You in robes of My own
Jesus, this hurts Me much more than You know
But this dark hour I must do nothing
Though I've heard Your unbearable cry
The power in Your blood destroys all of the lies
Soon You'll see past their unmerciful eyes
Look there below, see the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell You why
She is why You must die"

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God is good.....Part 2

Yes God is good. My car went into the shop and got fixed yesterday. When the mechanic was finished, he mentioned that the misfiring was probably caused by the cylinder that had been going since I bought the car. Unfortunately I didn't know about the misfiring, funny how that works, that my dad and mechanic know about it, but the driver doesn't. *chuckles* Oh well. God is good. He's watching out for me. Tonight I thought I'd take my car to my friends for the campfire we were having, rather than jogging it. I didn't make it out of my driveway, before my car decided it was done. But God is good. You see, both times, I had intentions of driving my car to the city the next day, and both times I decided to drive it before and found out, it's just not what it was last week. I made the decision tonight to say good-bye to Sally, my beautiful dark blue 1988 Dodge Shadow. *sniff* She shall be missed. *smiles*

The previous "God is good" blog has really caused me to re-evaluate this situation tonight. I'm going to be totally honest here for a second. I'm worn out, I'm tired, I'm stressed, and I just wanted one thing to go right for me, and when my car just was finished, it's hard to keep saying God is good. Yet I remembered what I wrote and knew I couldn't just forget that, because God is good. Though it's hard, I keep saying that, and I keep looking to find the good in each situation I'm faced with, and hope fills me, because I know He is good. It's so hard to not be discouraged. The future looks pretty bad if you look at it in the natural eyes. But I'm trying to remember that I have a Father that is bigger than my natural circumstances, and He is in control. He's taken care of me in other situations, what is different about these ones I'm faced? God is good. In the middle of this storm, God is good.

I love you

You speak it once,
You speak it twice
The three words that i detest

i don't believe it
too many times have i heard those words
only to see the actions out of place,
not in line,
like a knife in my heart
the lie of love cuts me deep to my very core
i think i can love no more

Again You speak those words into my life
Gently, softly, with tenderness

i scream in rage
i know the truth
You can't love me, no one can
for it is I,
it is I,
that has wronged the world

A third time You speak over me,
softly, gently, taking me in Your arms

but i won't have it,
i won't let You near
for You too will find the truth about me
You will learn the secrets of why i can't be loved
then You too will walk out of my life

i can't let You near, do You see?
my heart can't be broken,
the pieces are already scattered so
so stop saying it,
stop speaking it,
You can't love me
I'm hideous You see?

i see You gather the pieces,
the pieces of something familiar,
my heart,
the pieces lost,
broken,
trampled
You gather them together.

i see something that i don't quite understand
something bringing the pieces together again
"what are You doing?
leave me alone,
i can't do anything for You
i can't be anyone for You"

i see a man on a cross breathe His last breath
You reach over with a completed heart in hand
You place it inside me
and say "I love you."

today, here's my heart back to You
all i can say to You is this,
I love You.

God is good?

Monday night I had gone downtown to do a few errands. On my way home, my car just decided to die. I didn't know what to do, so I just tried to get it started again, to at least get it off the road, after a few times of trying, it started and I made it home saftely. In the moment, I wanted to scream at God, "Why do You keep doing this? Why does EVERYTHING go wrong when I am trying to work through stuff? Can't You just let one or two things come in at a time rather than all this stuff?" But I've been learning to trust, so I couldn't very well say that to God when I'm trusting Him with these other bigger things. I didn't know for certain if it would be worth fixing or just let it go to car heaven, because my dad has been careful from day one to make sure I know, it might just die one day and there would be no reason to get it going again, and I thought it's time had come on July 14, 2008 at 7:43 PM. But the story doesn't end there as I thought.

Last night my dad looked at it. Then he showed me the problem. Apparently the alternator belt isn't supposed to look the way it did. My dad told me that it was the worst he'd ever seen and he had no idea how it didn't snap before that point. Instantly I was filled with, "God is good!" I was so thankful I hadn't been on the highway when it decided to snap or something. Man, God is good, eh? I mean He knew!

But let me just backtrack for a second, what would have been my response had I learned it was going to cost more than it is? What would have been my response if it wasn't worth fixing? I probably would have been very angry. I probably would have gotten over it sooner or later but I still would have been upset. And let me tell you I would NOT have been saying God is good.

My question is, if God is good in that situation, does it change if the situation is different? Does He suddenly become not good because the situation didn't go as we wanted it to?

I don't believe it changes at all. God is good regardless of my circumstances. God is good when my family is struggling. God is good when I'm unsure of the next adventure. God is good when I feel scared. God is good when bad things happen. And can I just let out a yelp and say "YAY!!"? Hello! God is good! Always and forever. I can trust in that! He is good! Today, tomorrow, and forever more. He is good in the bad, He is good in the good!!! He's always good!!!

I don't see the end result in the middle of the situation, but if I look back on many of the situations in my life, I see the good that came out of it, just like Romans 8:28 says!

Worry

"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on it. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" Matthew 6:25-27

I actually really like the entire passage right up until verse 33 but decided against writing it all here. This is one of the passages I had to memorize in high school, I think on more than one occasion. But it never spoke to me the way it does now. A.W. Tozer said, "Absolutely refuse to worry." When I first read that quote by him, I was like "That is SO good buddy!!" But little did I know how good it is.

This week I have had to learn to not worry about my life. I began thinking of everything that could go wrong with college, namely roommates, since I've had past experiences that weren't so pleasant, so I just began worrying that I would get another girl who hated me, or who we couldn't stand each other, etc. Thursday night I just had had it. I had worried far too much, I was stressed out to the max, my head ached and my mom was pushing me to do this, and do that. And finally I told her, "I'm not worried about it. God is in control." The same attitude went through Friday. Sure the thoughts of worry keep creeping up, but the great thing is, I have control over what I think, so I just gotta say "NO!" and move on with life. I have to absolutely refuse to worry, because guess what? I am not adding an hour to my life, I am not adding any height to my life. Rather I do believe that I am taking away from it. I definitely didn't enjoy Wednesday and Thursday, it made me almost physically sick from worrying. But the minute I just said no to it, something changed.

Earlier this morning I was thinking about that. If I refuse to worry about it, that means I am trusting in my sovereign God, knowing that He has good plans for me. I do my part but the rest is up to Him. I can't control anything, so why not let Him control it?? By not worrying, I'm trusting in Him, like Proverbs 3 tells me too.

So my end point is "Trusting is better than worry."

=D

I am sitting here staring at my acceptance letter and revisiting memories of two years ago in January. Exact same position, so excited to be going to college. *laughs* Oh how God changes things. Or should I say "Oh how often I put my fingers in my ear to not hear God?"

2 years ago in January, I got my acceptance letter to the community college near us. Let me tell you I was excited. *chuckles* Until March when I went to Los Angeles with my high school class, and both my principal and teacher suggested that I look into being apart of the kids ministry there. I was tore up because my plan was set so perfectly, I was so ready to go and do what "God told me to." Looking back I realize I didn't pray about it. I just went for it, it seemed right and I wanted an education, I wanted to be the different one in my family, and I wasn't settling for less. So I pursued that. But then God shook my world up. And I allowed Him to. And seriously, going to Los Angeles was so great. I learned so much. I could go on for hours about that year long trip.

*smiles* You'd think I would have learned my lesson the first time. Seek God on the in every situation, ask Him for direction, go where He wills. But I didn't. October of last year, I was determined to go to a small Bible School that my friend had gone to. She loved it, and I was ready to go as well. My job would work well with it, everything was perfect. UNTIL beginning of June. My youth pastor suggested I call the school and find out more about the first year school. I know I know, I left my schooling for like almost last minute. But I knew with this school, I didn't have to apply months in advance, I could pay with cash and all was good to go. But after calling them and finding out a series of things, I realized it was time to start praying. Yes, 9 months later I started praying. As I prayed I began to realize that wasn't the right choice but rather this other college was where I felt God leading me. So here I am today, praying I've learned my lesson and that next time there's a decision, I pray FIRST and follow Him, rather than having to scurry to get everything together.

Honestly though, I have felt so at peace about this since I applied. I know God's in control, and I just gotta keep following His footsteps. Since the beginning I've been saying, "If this is my sacrificing Isaac moment, then I'm willing. But if it is my moment to really give everything, I'm also willing." I'm just going to trust Him, it's easier than freaking out repeatedly over everything. I know from experience!

What holds you back from your freedom??

The other day I was listening to a podcast from Mosaic Ministries by Erwin McManeus and he said this, "Whatever we fear, establishes the boundaries and limitations of your life. Our fears limit and determine our freedom."

As I got to thinking about it throughout the day, I realized how true this is. How often is it that my fears hold me back from experiencing my freedom. I have freedom. I am free. But do I choose to live in that freedom, or do I allow my fears to hold me back from my freedom. Do I let my fears establish the boundaries of walking in my freedom?

What about the fear of the Lord? If I have the fear of the Lord, the boundaries and limitations of my life would be much different than my fear of bridges. My fear of bridges, limits me from crossing bridges. But my fear of God would mean my freedom would be only limited by God.

My challenge for myself this week is to not let my earthly fears hold me back, instead I want to focus all my fear on God and stand knowing and trusting that He is in control!

That's all I got to say. =)