Faith

I find myself wondering exactly what is faith as I sit here, on this last day of 2008. I know faith is the assurance of things hoped, the evidence of things unseen. But what must I put my faith in? I know I need to put my faith in Christ and trust in all He is. But do I just stop at putting my faith in Christ? No. I believe there is another step.

As a Christian, I need to place my faith in who God has called me. I have been called an overcomer (1 John 2:14), I have been called more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37), I have been called a daughter of God (John 1:12), I have been called many things by my God. But do I walk in these things? Do I walk as though I am a child of the Most High King? Do I walk as if I am an overcomer? Do I walk as if I am more than a conqueror? Is my head bowed down to the ground as I walk in defeat because I am not having faith in the words God has spoken to me?

I have been challenged to walk in faith. Not just faith in Christ, but faith in what He has called me. My circumstances may look like I am defeated. I may look like I have lost every battle. But that is not who I am. I may not look like a daughter of God. I may not look like all these things, nor may I be able to see them, but I was called More than a Conqueror, Overcomer, Friend of God, Lover of God, Daughter of God, and sooo many more names. I believe that as I have that faith to walk in the names in which He has called me, that I will have daily victory. I believe that I will begin to walk in the authority that God has given to me. I believe that instead of walking in defeat, I will walk in freedom and walk in who God has called me.

I challenge you today to begin walking in faith that who God has called you is who you are. Begin to walk in that faith and experience the freedom of living in who you are, instead of trying to live up to the world's standards. And as you walk in that faith of who God has called you, I believe you will begin to experience daily victories as God shows you who He is, and reveals to you mysteries and the secrets of His heart.

Breath of Heaven

'tis the season of Christmas! And what fun it is! Christmas music and Christmas decorations and all such. And of course remembering our Saviour's birth.

I have this Christmas song that is one of my favourites and has been for a few years now. However I could never ever remember the name of it. However I FINALLY found it. And hopefully I won't forget the name of it again. *smiles* Breath of Heaven is the name of it. And my friends, as much as it is "Mary's song" it speaks to my heart on so many levels. Let me explain.

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now
Be with me now

How often do we go through life, frightened by the load we bear, waiting silently crying out to God?? And how often is it that God speaks a word into our heart, and we know we are to do something but that load is scary, it's strange, unfamiliar, and it seems impossible?? And what is our response to that scary load? Is it 'Be with me now, God' or is it 'forget it I can't do this'???

Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one one should have had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

When I was at the airport yesterday, I listened to this song and God spoke to me about this particular verse. Years ago God spoke some things into my heart, and I remember always thinking "That's impossible, but if it's what You want from me, Lord, I'll do it." As time passed, and as I grew older, I kinda let go of those dreams. But I've come back to them and realized that I do want to follow God's plans. Yet at the same time I find myself asking God "Why me? I'm not wise. I have nothing much to offer. I'm not strong." And in that God has been showing me, that it's in His strength that we will do these things, and that I am the one He has chosen for these plans. You see so often we decide we are done with His plans that seem to be impossible to us. But if Mary had decided that she wasn't going to follow God's plans for her life, if Mary had just decided she wouldn't do it, where would we be today? God has plans for our lives and it's in HIS strength that we can do it and we never know what it will do for the future of others, we don't know who we will impact.

Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Light up my darkness
Pour over me your holiness
For you are holy

I don't have much to say about the chorus. But I wanted to post it because I really like the lyrics.

Little epiphany

I saw the words, "just trying to make it through life" today and God sparked something inside me. How often have I felt that I am just trying to make it through life? Or heard someone else say that?

And it hit me like a tonne of bricks, dude, this life is all we got. Yea it sucks at times, sometimes a lot, we all know that, but are we just going to survive it? are we just going to barely get by? or are we going to live victorious lives? The lives Christ called us to live?? Are we going to let this life just pass us by trying to get through life's crap and focusing on ourselves or are we going to stand up, face the storm and live in victory??

I have one life to live. I'm not going to live my life with my face towards the ground, allowing the hits in life to throw me down. No, I want to walk in my victory. This life is so short, it's so quickly passes us by, and it could be easy to just try to make it through life, and take each hit and mumble and complain and live in defeat. But living like that is so much more draining then stepping into the calling of my God. My God called me victorious it's time to start living like I'm victorious!

Do I want my life to just be nothing? No, I want to DO something, I want to BE someone. And I can and will do that through Christ.

Storm

It's been awhile. I've been a bit busy with school and stuff. But alas, today's the day for a new blog. ;)

God's been working on my heart a lot these last few weeks. It's interesting how so much can go so crazy and in the midst of that time He just wants to calm me. The storm has gotten rough at times. At times I've even thought that I was being thrown into sea and perhaps I would drown. Yet God didn't let it happen. I clung to Him and when I was too weak to cling to Him, He held me tightly. The storm may bring high waves, it may look like all will be lost at sea, but that's why we trust in God and not ourselves. Really. I could so easily give up, I could just throw it all away and dive into the sea. But what is out there that is worth my time? Nothing. The only thing I have to keep me going is God.

You know the notion of 'giving up' always seems so pretty. We face a struggle in life and say 'I just want to give up, it's so hard.' But I wonder, what is so easy about giving up? Every time I give up, my heart just feels weighted down with thousands and thousands of tonnes of junk. And when I allow God to hold me, then it's like my heart is light. Sure it's hard and the struggle is still hard to defeat, but I don't have the weight in my heart to deal with as well. Giving up doesn't really do anything for me. In fact it just seems to hurt me worse. It is hard. I do agree with that. It's so hard. But why would I give up when I got the best thing going for me?? The God of the universe is rooting me on, and not only that but He's fighting for me. And when I give up, I'm not just giving up on my struggle, I'm giving up on Him. Ultimately that's what it comes down to. I'm just giving up on Him, basically saying He's not able enough to help me through. But He is sooooo able. And the best thing is He's not expecting us to be done with the struggle immediately. He understands how hard it is, He understands that it hurts, and that it's really hard to humble oneself and admit that what we have chosen isn't really the best thing for us. He just keeps pouring His love into the wound, He keeps pouring His love over us, as we continue to allow Him so that we can be the overcomers we are called to be.

I know for me that's what I've really come to discover. I have pride issues, I don't want to humble myself before God and admit that there is an issue that I need His help with. Which is funny because I know I need His help, yet there's still that pride within me. But when I humbled myself the other day, His peace just rushed in over me. I know I can face this storm, because I'm not facing it alone. He is there with me. And He'll hold me through it. He'll calm me in the midst of it. He is able. He is strong enough. And He can carry me through it. I don't have to give up! Because HE. IS. ABLE.

Hide

As a child I always enjoyed playing hide and seek. I always wanted to be the last one to be found, with the coolest hiding spot that no one had ever thought of. But the truth of the matter was, being the youngest in my part of the family, I always ended up copying my older sister's places to hide, and they always found me. Now when my younger siblings came along, we stopped playing hide and seek as much. But we would play it now and then, or at church we would play it as part of a game. And it always got my adrenaline rushing, to hide and not be found, even when they came so close to you but just missed finding you. Hide and seek rocks!!

I think that oftentimes we start hiding in our lives. We learn that if we do certain things, people won't like us, so we won't admit that we like that movie, or that we like that activity, just so we can be liked by others. And we play this game of hiding. But there is no seeking allowed. We don't wait for someone to come seek us, because the truth is we don't want to be found, or we might be judged for the way we are. People might not like us for the truth of who we are. When someone seems to get close to finding the real us, we quickly run away and hide again, in a different spot. And the truth of the matter is, if we're such experts on hiding from people, I'm thinking, we might be hiding from God as well.

But why do we hide from God? Is He not our safe place? Is He not everything we need and more?? Really where can we go that will hide us from God??
"Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell; behold You are there. If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me." Psalm 139:7-10
We can't hide from God. We can try so very hard but we can't. I've been learning to hide in Him.
"Keep me as the apple of Your eye; hide me under the shadow of Your wings." Psalm 17:8
"Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in You." Psalm 143:9

Why would we not hide in our God that is so far above us, and can do so much more than we ever ask or think of? Why would we not rest in Him when He gives rest to the weary? He gives you strength when you're weary. He pours love into you. He gives you joy evermore.

And as for hiding from people. My thought on that is stolen from what someone has once told me a few times. "We have to learn to not care if they won't accept us." Because truthfully, we live in fear of the past, letting our past hurts affect our future lives. We hide because we were hurt before. But if someone doesn't like something about us, that's for them to worry about. All I need to worry about is me, and hiding myself in God, and not worrying about what others think of me. I am me. And if someone can't accept that, that's okay, that's their problem. If I am hiding in God, and letting God define me, then I really have nothing to worry about with hiding from other people. It really only matters that God accepts me, and He does. He accepts me just for me!
And that's another thought for another blog. ;)

Dream

Through the last 3 or 4 days, my life has taken a dramatic change, in direction, in focus, in understanding, in pretty much everything.

I can remember all my life thinking about my dreams, and what they were made of, and how huge they were, impossible for me to do yet totally possible for God to do. There came a point in my life where the dream that was birthed within my heart got pushed aside and a secondhand dream came into play, something that was possible for me to do. Something that was still great, but it was not my deepest dream. It was not OUR dream, and by our dream I do mean me and God's dream.

I believe God birthed within us a dream for us to follow. He gave us the tools to live out the dream, and it is up to us to live out the dream. But to my great joy, it's not going to be something I hate doing. He births within us dreams that we love. So rather than God's dream being HIS dream for my life, His dream itself becomes my dream as well, and together we can share in that dream for my life.

So lately I've been toiling over this fact that I'd begun to live with this secondhand dream, and God reminded me the other night, "It's never too late to start following our dream." He also reminded me that it didn't take me years of college, like it could have, to recognize that I had fabricated a new dream, one that was possible for me to live in, and as bad as it sounds, one where I didn't need God to complete the dream.

You know I don't know why I'm right here in this place, I don't know why I allowed my dream to die within me. But the amazing amounts of grace that God gives to us, the way He wakes us up is just so full of grace. He doesn't yell at us for trying to lean on our own understanding, He doesn't freak out on us when we mess up, and He doesn't threaten me that if I mess up again He'll be through with me. He holds me and allows me to hide in Him when I recognize that I mess up, when I realize I was trying to do it on my own.

My God is so full of grace and mercy, and most importantly love. I can't get past that, the love, mercy, and grace that He has poured into my heart even when I snap constantly at people, even when I am quick to anger, even when I fabricate my own dreams. He's not through with me, He is walking beside me, and He just wants me to see what is best for me, and I'll get it eventually. He might have to throw some ice cold water in my face for me to realize that I have been living in my own world, but He doesn't give up on me.

He is sooooooo amazing!! I can't even begin to describe it.

Healing Shower

May it come in
And sweep me off my feet
May Your love envelope me
For I am weak

I've shouted words of hate
I've said things I do not mean
Whispered my jealousy
Thought thoughts of rage

I have neglected to be washed clean
I have been scared for too long
Scared of what is beneath this dirt
Scared that You will see all the scars
The ones beneath this filth

The energy to fear is too great
So I'll let You wash me clean
I'll let You see my scars
I'll let You heal the infections

I'll allow You to wash me gently
Ridding my face of the dirt
Scrubbing my body of the filth
Bathing me in Your sweet love

I'll allow You to have my heart
Every piece
The ones I've broken
The ones that have been scattered

I can't find any pieces that fit together
I keep messing up the design
I seem to be missing something
No matter how hard I try
I can't find it

Perhaps You can find it
Or perhaps You are that missing thing
So I'll let You try
I'll let You put each piece back together

I'll let You shower me
With Your healing
I'll let You have my heart
And heal it too