God is AWESOME!!

Today marked my last day of work. All week long I was plagued with the question, "Did I do everything I was supposed to here? Did I sow the seeds that were meant to be sown and water the plants that needed watering? Was I effective in showing God's love?" I'm amazed at God's awesomeness. He works when we don't even realize it. Let me share a story of His awesomeness. =)

Back in October, I, in desperation to get out of the house and stop being so depressed, applied for this job that seemed like it would be okay for a few months. It was supposed to be till the end of April and I thought I could handle that. My job began with my buddy being this grumpy older lady. At first I went home each day going, "God are you kidding? She is sooooo mean!" Well a few weeks into the job, I found out from my mom that this lady had recently lost her daughter. That changed everything, now that I knew that she was probably going through a rough time, I just began to open up a bit, let the not shy me come through. And somehow that makes people laugh, probably cause I can't talk OR I try to say everything all at once and it comes out in literally a big jumble. So as we began to have a relationship, she began to talk to me randomly, about things from her daughter to anything really. I just blew it over as she likes to talk a lot, complain lots, be a grump, etc. Not really thinking about it, not even praying for her, nothing.

Moving on, by the end of February, I began to really dislike my job. It became a challenge to get up every morning and go to work and try hard to enjoy it, try to do what was ahead of me. It was around this time that I was offered a permanent position there, and I accepted it, not sure what else I would be doing. Well then life got interesting by the end of March, and in that instant I wanted to go into hiding. I really didn't like my job, I had what seemed like nothing going for me in life, and thought the best thing would be to hide in a hole and suck my thumb. Haha. Needless to say, I didn't find a hole, instead I got up each day, trying to find purpose, trying to find some reason to live. Little did I know that God was using me when I was very very much unaware.

I've always heard the spiel about "You may just be a sower, and you plant the seeds. or you may be the waterer and water the seeds. OR you maybe the harvester and you might get to see the harvest. But if you don't see the harvest know that God is taking care of it, all your sowing and watering doesn't go to waste." Or something to that degree. I never expected to know how God could or would use me in my moment of weakness, in my desperation, in my brokenness.

Today I received a card, from that lady, it is one that will stay with me through the ages. I want to share part of it with you because it shows God's sovereignity and awesomeness. By the way, to my knowledge this lady is not a Christian, she knows about God but does not have faith, I guess is what you'd say.

"I believe that God, in His infinite wisdom, sent you into my life so soon after my daughter's death to heal me through that rough time and you have helped me immensely!"

Inside I'm screaming "But God, how? I was a mess for pretty much the first 3 months and then the last 4 months, how could You have used me? I didn't even pray for her! How God?" He hasn't answered yet, but I think He's showing me that I can indeed be used in ways I don't know, I can be used in brokennes. There is no way that I could have helped her heal, I see absolutely no way that's possible. But God was able to use what little I had to offer and turn it into good, cause He's awesome like that! My God stinkin' rocks this world!!!! Yay God!!!

My point for this blog isn't to show you what "I did" in my brokenness, but rather encourage you that in your brokenness, He can and will still use you! He is so able! He is so soveriegn! He works in ways we cannot see! He is soooooo awesome!!!